Blessed

During my pregnancy I had imagined myself in our little flat laboring and delivering our baby all alone. Clement was supposed to be assigned to a district several hours away for a six week period right around the due date and I was struggling to find a midwife. I refused to go to a hospital. Now, in retrospect the harmonizing of details (both anticipated and unanticipated) and the beauty of the real story are powerful reminders of how love infiltrates all aspects, large and small, of our lives. Fortuitously, the timing for Clement’s fifth year district placement was changed to July and three friends from the States boarded planes to cross the ocean and the thousands of miles separating us, in order to be with our family during the birth. Blessed.

My due date was February 28th - exactly the same due date as Thulani’s. Thulani was born on February 18th so I imagined I would again deliver early and asked my friends to come for the two weeks before the due date. I had February 18th in my head. I wanted to have a couple days with Sarah and Jess, to be a tour guide and enjoy them prior to the birth but then deliver early enough so that they would have time to travel and see some of Ghana. (What a shame it would be to come all the way and spend it sweating and waiting in our flat.) Judith had come for Thulani’s birth and I knew she was not as interested in sight seeing as just being together and holding a newborn. I did want to give her at least one night’s rest this time (I had delivered Thulani just hours after she arrived in Ghana and walked through our door in 2011). Sarah and Jess bought tickets for a plane arriving on the 14th and Judith was scheduled to arrive on the 17th.

Sarah and Jess arrived without incident. On the 15th we toured the market. We bought batik cloth and sent it to a tailor for dresses for their girls; we bought beads and food; and had a good time thoroughly exhausting ourselves. On the 16th and 17th we rested and ate (they cooked amazing food). No contractions. Judith arrived in Accra on the 17th but we were informed that there was no jet fuel and all local flights would be canceled for the next four days. So, Judith would have to take the six hour bus ride from Accra to Kumasi. Bumps were smoothed by a dear friend in Accra who met her at the airport and took her to a hotel. On the 18th Judith called at 6:30am to say she was already on the bus, Clement went to class, and the rest of us ate a leisurely breakfast while Thulani opened birthday presents. At 10am we decided to go for a swim at a nearby hotel. It was a great morning. We were the only ones at the pool and all of us appreciated the cool water. As I floated and swam languidly, I started feeling a few painful contractions. They got my attention, but were not strong enough to make me grimace, so I thought we could keep swimming. After one or two that were a little more impressive Sarah suggested we return to the house. Around the same time Judith called to say she had met our friend Caterina and that they were on the way from across town.

In the taxi home, the contractions completely stopped and I started to regret making everyone leave the pool. But, once home they started up again, so I tried to keep physically active to keep them coming while Sarah and Jess prepared lunch. I texted another friend, Kathryn, who wanted to attend the birth and told her “maybe” today. I called Clement to tell him to be on standby, then reconsidered and told him just to come home. Judith and Caterina arrived and we ate lunch. Kathryn walked in and I started to worry about everyone sitting around staring at me, waiting for action that wasn’t coming. At one point my landlord, who is an obstetrician, came by and asked to speak with me outside. He offered accommodation for my friends in rooms near his hospital and offered to provide me a private delivery room. I declined his kind offer and didn’t mention that I was already contracting.

Clement walked in the door and then the action started. By 2pm the contractions were demanding all of my focus and Kathryn called Dr. Rex Jokoto (the obstetrician who agreed to be on call during my labor) to let him know active labor had begun. Sarah listened to the heartbeat, which sounded strong and clear through contractions. Everyone was quiet and attentive. Then, the caretaker (a very sweet woman) knocked once and walked in with a carpenter. They walked past us and headed straight to the kitchen to take measurements for cabinets. We have been living in this flat for 18months and cabinets were promised before we moved in but apparently the carpenter was available that day or perhaps my landlord decided that was the day. My contractions slowed way down. I wanted them to get what they needed, knowing that that might truly be our only chance to have cabinets. Everyone exchanged quizzical looks and I had to laugh. They left and the contractions resumed. My feet were massaged, my shoulders rubbed, and my hair combed (my request). The harder they massaged, and rubbed and combed the more manageable the contractions.

Thulani participated in everything. I have a nice video clip of him rubbing my feet with Clement during a contraction. Every once in a while he would ask, “Mommy, Are you ok?” and I would smile and assure him that I was. I never worried about him. There were so many loving friends he knew to take him on their laps and softly whisper in his ear that I was working hard or play with him for a minute. He stayed by my side throughout.

As the contractions escalated I got into a tub of cold water. Sarah, Clement and Thulani squatted beside the tub, rubbed my arms and placed cool cloths on my head while I labored. My dear friend Ethel arrived. I got out of the tub and leaned on Clement for a few contractions that really took my breath away, while Judith squeezed my hips, and Thulani held a cool cloth on my legs. As soon as I could manage, I walked back to the couch. Charlene – the 10 year old neighbor who wanted to see the birth – arrived. I got on my knees on the floor and leaned into Clement’s lap. Thulani sat next to Clement and everyone else encircled the three of us. I had two more contractions and then felt a strong urge to push. With one push a head full of dark hair delivered. The body followed quickly with a second push and Judith handed me the baby between my legs. We were expecting a little girl and everyone started saying “she . . . she . . . her . . ” until Sarah gently asked, “Is it a girl?” I checked and saw boys’ plumbing between little pink legs. Everyone cheered and erupted into laughter.

After a few minutes, quiet Thulani piped up, “I want to touch him” and he gently touched the baby’s head. After the cord was cut the baby was wrapped and placed directly on his lap. My sweet birthday boy was the first to hold the baby. While Sarah and Judith repaired a small tear, Rex called Kathryn to check on the progress, and was shocked to hear that after 2 and a half hours, the baby boy was out and he was “off” call. Delivery time was 4:35pm.

It was such a quick labor. The sun was still high and bright. I felt full of energy. I took a shower and then drinks and food were shared and the rest of the neighbors poured into our flat to shake my hand and see the baby. The caretaker returned with her two adult children and laughed about what she now realized she had done (she also said she had called to inform the landlord, who was equally surprised). Two college students from next door, Charlene’s older sister Emma, her brother Joshua, their grandmother, Ethel’s husband and their two year old daughter also arrived. Our place had never been so full. Everyone sang happy birthday to Thulani while he held the baby. At the end of the song, Thulani held up both hands with fingers spread wide and while wearing a giant smile said, in a loud excited voice, “a BIG birthday present for Thulani!” Indeed, a BIG birthday present, and a wonderful birthday for my two beautiful boys.

It took us almost a week to come up with a name for our new addition and finally we settled on Tau Alexander Chiwaula. Born 18 February 2013 at 4:35pm in Kumasi, Ghana weighing 7lbs 12oz and measuring 19.75in.

Thulani’s birth was such an amazing experience that I thought it might overshadow the birth of our second child but Tau’s birth was equally special and a true manifestation of perfect love. The gratitude we feel as a family is overwhelming and there are so many people to thank.

Thank You,
• Judith, Sarah, and Jess for your amazing friendship; for coming all the way to be with us and giving us such loving care before, during, and after the birth
• Sarah and Jess’ families – their husbands, Emmanuel and Matt, and daughters, Zelda, Charlotte, Sadie, and Julia – for sharing your wives and mommies for two long weeks and sharing your books and dolls with Thulani
• Judith’s boss and her community of sisters for approving her travel and for your prayers
• Caterina, Kathryn, and Ethel for your loving presence during the birth, for food, drinks, extra mattresses, sheets, and taking care of many other details
• Charlene and Emma for your love of Thulani and all the little ways you helped me prepare for our guests (mopping floors, painting shelves).
• Charlene’s mother Angela and grandmother for providing Sarah and Jess a room in your home once Judith arrived
• Faustina for taking good care of Thulani and helping with preparations
• Celia for meeting Judith at the airport and making sure she got to us
• All our loved ones across the continent and the ocean for your prayers for a safe delivery and for sharing in our joy



In the end, Sarah and Jess were able to tour Ghana a bit – visiting Lake Bosomtwe, Cape Coast Castle, and Axim on the Coast – before returning home. Judith got her one night of rest before the birth. She also visited Cape Coast and then returned to Kumasi for plenty of snuggle time with Tau. Everything passed as quickly as a beautiful dream, but unlike a dream our memories remain vivid and bright. And, of course we have a lingering bright-eyed pink-cheeked squirming grunting growing sunbeam who reminds us constantly that it wasn’t a dream at all.