Thursday, October 06, 2005

Today's Answer

The times that I think, "What am I doing and how did I get here?" are not infrequent. Usually these out-of-body moments make me smile. And, the answer I give myself varies depending on the day. Here is today's answer: one reason I like being in this setting is that it forces honesty upon you. It is difficult to lie to yourself. It is difficult to believe statistics are merely numbers. It is difficult to believe that the growing gap between the rich and the poor is just a tall tale invented by bored liberals. It is difficult to ignore the contradictions you continue to live. It is difficult to ignore how your daily actions and decisions directly and dramatically affect the lives of others for better or worse. It is difficult to pause the perpetual struggle that rages within, be it against personal, societal, or global demons. Of course it is not impossible to lie. It is possible to break. It is possible to die as your ideologies die, to die as hope and laughter wither in the drought of levity. But, the peace, inspiration, and insight, when they do penetrate your mind here, seem somehow more poignant, brighter, deeper; their roots stronger. I suppose that is what I crave, that hope is what sustains me.

2 comments:

ginab said...

Hello J,

Where are you? A friend once worked in the Peace Corp, in rural China. She taught English--and always she frankly pointed out the reason the Chinese were interested in learning English was to widen the economic gap. Statistics are not just numbers, and when I spit (or I want to) at the sight of an SUV, over a house flanked by white pillars, over a grocery cart full to its eye teeth, I'll try harder for hope. I'm one of those souls tho who cannot in good conscience purchase any item without receiving counsel. I mean it. I try when I'm in any country to buy whatever has been made or grown in that country. In America, as you might know, this effort has grown near impossible--except for farmer's markets, independent book stores, direct from publishers, and so forth.

Anyway, I will try to hope.

I wish you well and bid you strength.

-ginab

Joanne Jorissen Chiwaula said...

I tried to find a way I could email you directly, but hopefully you'll find this note nested down in my site. THank you so much for your encouragement, for reading, and referring the site to others. It's wonderful to know people hear and are affected.